bloodpigs1

Something in me broke one day, and I don't know what to do about it.  After so many months of convincing myself to just be happy and love my life, I do.  But it's costing me so much. A huge part of me is missing, and I don't know who I am because of it.  I can't think logically.. My decisions are fucked, my opinion isn't mine.. Hobbies have been neglected. All this just.. as usual.. makes me feel insanely depressed.. and lonely. But so many people enjoy talking to me when I'm happy.. so I don't know.. I'm lost.. 
...I wanna disappear.

One day. I just want to be gone. I want to be somewhere where nothing exists. I want to make my own living, meet my own people.  Nobody should know where this place is, and when people get used to me existing with them, I want to go again. I think this is a fear of commitment.. to life.  I'm just trying to label it so I can fix it...

Sigh.